Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What Do I Do Now???

As I sat there and stared at his profile, I knew there was nothing I could do then, not at that hour of night. I decided to go to bed and think about what I wanted to do. I KNEW just looking at him that he was my brother. His face unmistakably resembled the face in the yearbook I had found a few months prior. I was compelled to write him. But I had no idea what to say. My head swam with thoughts the rest of the night. I don't think I got more than an hour or two of sleep before my kids woke up.

That morning when I got up, I decided to write to him. I didn't want to give to much information at first... I was afraid to scare him off, or make him mad. The first message I sent him was, word for word....

"i was wondering what your parents names are......

thanks! "

I hesitated hitting send. Doubted going that route. Scared of what would happen next. I figured it would be a day or two until I heard anything back - if ever. Boy was I shocked when in just a few short hours, I had a reply.

"that is a weird question for not knowing me i will need to know why"

At this point I was afraid he wouldn't cooperate. I was afraid of what to say next. I knew it was time to come out with the truth. I was so afraid no one knew anything about me, afraid I was about to rock his world. I was afraid he'd get mad at me and stop contacting me. I knew honesty was the best route. So I began typing my response.

I told him who I was, and that I was looking for my real father. I told him the information I had on my real father, and that I wasn't out to hurt anyone or cause problems. I just wanted to know who my real dad is. My heart was pounding as I hit the send button. I waited, and waited for a response. Nothing. It got to be almost 4:00pm and I had to leave for work. My stomach was so tied up in knots that I had to go to work with no answer. It's all I could think about at work. I kept checking Facebook on my cell phone. Nothing.

I thought for sure I had scared him off. I just wanted to get home and get online.

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